Thursday, July 29, 2010

I just want to be....Happy

Love is patient; love is kind. 
It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud. 
It is not rude; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. 
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 
Love never fails.


song of the night: Happy, by Leona Lewis

So what if it hurts me?
So what if I break down?
So what if this world just throws me off the edge
My feet run out of ground?

I gotta find my place.
I wanna hear my sound.
Don't care about all the pain in front of me
Cause I'm just trying to be happy

Encore une Fois

i dont feel that i can embrace TX like i did WV. i see TX as the culmination of my failure, not a chance at a new beginning. WV was my new beginning; my fresh start; the life and love that i chose. TX was my backup plan....a plan for if and when i failed.

i'd give anything just to feel him hug me again. he never told me that everything will be alright, and i'm glad he didn't, because those words have never comforted me. this isn't alright...this is just something that i'm going to have to get used to no matter what. no matter how hard i fight, no matter how many shooting stars i wish upon, i feel disconnected when i think about living in TX.


i love you so much. i can honestly say that i love you more than you know. i know that my love is so strong it scares you, but you have felt it's glow, it's warm embrace, it's gentle caress, and it is there for anytime you need it. you never need ask for it, just simply remember it and you will feel it again.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

life changes faster than anyone can imagine. sometimes it leaves you empty and broken hearted, and sometimes it leaves you so happy you can burst. what happens when it leaves you both? 

what happens when you find yourself lost? how do you know you're lost? on the other hand, how do you know you've found yourself?

song of the night? why does my heart (feel so bad) by mobi

i still do, and will always, love you

just before i moved here, i was tired of worrying. i was tired of being angry. i was tired of the drama. and i was tired of fighting.

the 10 days i spent with you initially were amazing. i never fought, never worried, never feared, i wasn't angry, i wasn't stressed out.

i was happy.

and even through all the anxiety, fear, these last 3 weeks... i was happy for a minute here. i reconciled my anxieties, and accepted & loved the new life i chose. my life, with my man, in our home.

every reason i can think of is telling me to stay; and every other reason i can think of is telling me to go.

if you truly want us to be over; if there is no glimmer of hope anywhere; i will go.

there are very few reasons that could make me stay...

give me one reason to stay here, and i'll turn right back around.


how do i stop myself from crawling into bed next to him?

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Gimme One Reason...

If you hadn't come and held me when you did, I wouldn't have been here by the time you got home from work the next day... I was preparing to leave, and wishing with every heart-string that you'd give me on reason to stay here.